


Murphy's Cops Law #11

by Python07



Series: Murphy's Cops Laws [10]
Category: Yes Prime Minister
Genre: Crack, F/M, It's hard to be Jim Hacker, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3285341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Python07/pseuds/Python07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Small fic based on Murphy's Cops Law #11: Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Murphy's Cops Law #11

He didn’t know what was going on. He truly had no clue what he’d done to incur the wrath. He didn’t have time to wonder just how he came to the point where he was confused most of his waking hours.

Jim Hacker ducked out of the way as a porcelain figurine of a cherub barely missed his head. It shattered against the wall over his left shoulder. He glanced down at the pieces and then at the person who threw it, utterly aghast. “Annie, that belonged to my mother. It was eighty years old.”

Annie Hacker grabbed another off the mantel. “So is this,” she snarled and lobbed it at him.

Hacker ducked and held his hands up. “Annie, why?”

Annie’s eyes got wider and she became even more in the face. “I can’t believe you have the gall to ask me that.”

“But…” he stammered.

She threw the next figurine at his feet. “Bloody hell, Jim!”

He jumped out of the way. “Can’t we talk about this?” he squeaked.

“No, I don’t want to talk about this,” she snapped. The mantel was empty and she looked around for something else to throw.

“Why not try the kitchen?” a male voice asked complacently.

Hacker was startled to see Humphrey Appleby leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. “Where did you come from?”

Appleby’s smile was his most patronizing. “I’ve been here the whole time, Minister.”

“Have you?”

Appleby pointed at the kitchen door. “She’s gone in there.”

“She has?”

“Yes, go on. You must face her.”

Hacker cringed. “Why?”

The irritating smile never left Appleby’s face. “It’s your duty.”

Hacker hesitantly stuck his head through the kitchen door. He pulled it back just in time to avoid the coffee pot. He heard it shatter on the floor. He turned to Appleby. “What did I do?”

“What do any of us really do? The workings of the female mind are often mysterious.”

Hacker winced at the sound of drawers slamming. Another large object hit the door and he took a step away. “Not helpful, Humphrey.”

“I apologize, Minister,” Appleby said but sounded anything but. “Did you cheat on her?”

“Only with you,” Hacker snapped. “And it was her idea.” 

Appleby shrugged. “Does it really matter? She’ll go for the knives next.”

Hacker gulped and knocked quietly on the kitchen door. “Annie, there’s no need for violence.”

“I am afraid that this is about to get worse.”

Hacker bit his bottom lip. “What do you mean?”

“I dreadfully regret this,” Appleby said smoothly. He went to open the front door and a gang of reporters rushed in. 

Hacker’s jaw dropped as they gathered around him, all talking at the same time. The buzz made his head hurt. There was a camera flash in his face. He backed away from them in a panic and found himself in the kitchen. He turned around and Annie was right there. She held her hand up and her fingers were long, sharp knives.

Hacker woke with a start. He sat up straight in bed. He was breathing hard and sweat covered his skin. He gulped in the air and looked around wildly. It took him a few moments to realize that he was at home in bed.

“Jim.”

Hacker jumped at the sound of Annie’s concerned voice. She barely touched his shoulder and he jerked away. He glared and pointed at her. “You were going to kill me!”

Appleby’s understanding voice came from his other side. “It was a nightmare. It wasn’t real.”

Hacker turned his glare on Appleby. “And you! You were going to let them splatter it all over the front page in living color!”

Appleby looked at Annie behind Hacker’s back. He rolled her eyes. “I told you that movie was a bad idea.”

“It was Lucy’s turn to pick,” Annie whispered back. “Her friends told her it was good.”

“A Nightmare on Elm Street,” Appleby scoffed. “American shock trash.”

Hacker hugged his arms across his chest. He finally had his breathing under control. “I deserve better than a messy, tabloid ending.”

Appleby and Annie each put a hand on Hacker’s shoulder and pulled him back down. He stared at the ceiling. “I know I’m being silly, but I…” his voice trailed off. 

They maneuvered Hacker onto his side. Appleby pulled him back against his body. He wrapped an arm around his waist and nuzzled the back of his neck.

Annie faced Hacker. She kissed him softly and rubbed his chest. “No one thinks the less of you. We all have nightmares.”

Hacker relaxed. He was warm and safe. He shut his eyes. “Still, I do apologize,” he mumbled.

“Think nothing of it,” Appleby whispered in Hacker’s ear.

“Annie, is mother’s cherub still on the mantle?”

“Yes. Gabriel’s still there,” Annie answered patiently. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” Hacker sighed in contentment and was soon asleep again.

Annie and Appleby glared at each other over Hacker’s shoulder. They watched to see who would go back to sleep first. For Hacker’s sake they could get along but that didn’t mean they had to actually like each other. They both thought the other showed Jim the utmost disrespect and….

However, this story is about James Hacker. For him, the rest of the night passed free of tabloid nightmares. He awoke in the morning with both of them still wrapped possessively around him and he couldn’t help but smile.


End file.
